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Peter Vagenas burdened with the most unfortunate of names

I said I was going to boycott the Sounders until Vini Oliveira returned, but I had to issue a reprieve for this.  While perusing the sports blogs on SeattleTimes.com, I noticed that the Sounders FC blog made a reference to one “Peter Vagenas.”   This must be some kind of joke, I thought to myself, because “Peter Vagenas” is just a terribly unfortunate name.  But upon further review, I came to discover that Peter Vagenas did in fact exist, and played midfield for our local soccer team no less.

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It's Mr. P in the Va-G himself.

It's Mr. P in the Va-G himself.

I feel bad for Peter Vagenas.  He is blessed with a train wreck of  a name.  If he were a college basketball player, he would endure night after night of torment.  Luckily, he plays in the MLS, where fans are generally good-natured and sit far enough way from the action that they can’t pepper the opponent with witty insults.  When they show up, that is.

Vagenas, for his part, has a good case against his parents should he ever choose to sue them for naming him so poorly.  I guess there’s nothing they could have done about “Vagenas.”  But Peter, really?  That’s like if Maurice Cheeks named his kid “Butt.”  It’s just plain cold-blooded.  The only thing worse would be if they had named him “Dick” or “Sandy.”  Maybe they made a list of the top three worst names they could give a kid with the last name “Vagenas,” then whittled it down to “Peter.”  Maybe they just hate kids.  Maybe Peter was a mistake, who knows.  Maybe “Vagenas” is pronounced completely different than what it looks like (“Uh, yeah, it’s actually pronounced ‘uh-HAY-nus’….the ‘V’ is silent, and it’s a soft ‘g’…”).

Anyways, if we do opt to give the Sounders more coverage this year (after the whole Vini Oliveira debacle, it’s a bit of a soft spot here on SSN), we’re going to have to figure out a way to incorporate Peter Vagenas into a segment.  I’m thinking “The Vagenas Monologues.”

*Peter Vagenas image courtesy The Seattle Times.


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